lonely loner

Dinogeddon page 16

warrior vs. mage

another commission down.

too real

i think trying to help other artistic people i care about to find motivation is one of my least favorite things. i hate seeing people i care about unhappy, and on top of that, i feel like i’m all thumbs, hopelessly inadequate, especially because i have a hard time finding motivation myself. i know what it’s like to work full time and suffer from depression to the point where you only have a couple hours to yourself after work every week, and you’re so exhausted and sad that you can’t bring yourself to do anything but eat, shower and maybe watch some tv before bed. i came the closest to ending my life i’ve ever come because of my state of mind at that time; because my mental well-being was actually withering up and dying because i wasn’t able to create art, among other things. and i don’t know what to tell other people in similar situations because the only solution i was able to come to was quitting my job, even though i couldn’t really afford to. thankfully i have a supportive partner who was willing and able to support me, and if he wasn’t willing or able to, i would have been able to go back to my home state and live with my parents or other family…i wouldn’t have liked having to do that at all, but i had that option. a lot of people don’t have those options at all.

the best advice i can give anyone is just do it. one of my biggest pet peeves is when people see other people doing something cool, like knitting, drawing, making music, whatever, and say “that’s so cool! i wish i could do that.” i’m guilty of this myself, but it makes me want to say “then just do it.” because i realized that the only thing we’re born knowing how to do is eat and poop…you gotta learn everything else. maybe someone is more predisposed to being good at something, or making it look easy, but they had to learn too, the same as you do. i realized i can get rid of the majority of my bad feelings about not being productive enough if i just be productive. my productivity still isn’t as good as others’; i’m probably quite slow by comic artist standards, and i still kick myself a bit for it, but i’m still creating. because i remember how bad and dark being at a complete stop felt. i might slow down, but i never want to let myself stop, ever again.

but i also know there are plenty of artists who are working a day job to survive like i was (and most likely will again), who have mental health problems like i do, who get worn down by the daily grind and feel less than human, like they can’t think, much less work on the things that are beneficial for their mental health and well-being anymore. i know because i was there. and they ask me what they can do, and i want to tell them “just do it,” but i know that doesn’t work when you’re in that state of mind. so i don’t know what to tell them. i wish i did.

after all

i'm working on many things, actually, contrary to what my inactivity on this blog would suggest...for now, sketches of Fenris from Dragon Age 2.

tell me if you like it

page 15. www.dinogeddon.com

none

thinking about deleting this blog. i dunno.

the idea for this sketch popped into my head mysteriously while i was waiting at a UPS store. i might develope it for a cover, or a poster, or a print or something; i'm not sure what to do with it.

date with the night

Dinogeddon page 14 now up at www.dinogeddon.com.

you party?

page 13!

this is one of my favorite pages so far.

i think i'm going to challenge myself by trying to stick to a weekly update schedule. i'm thinking wednesdays. we'll see how that goes; if i can easily do it, maybe i'll work my way up to two pages a week, and so on. still working on side projects and commission stuff. we'll see!

since i live at my desk now, i've spilled honey all over my workspace, and yesterday it was silver nail polish. maybe i really am as messy as everyone says.

commissions

i'm currently open for commissions (you can e-mail me at tigermassacre@gmail.com if interested!). here's a few i've done recently.

a client's oc. he kept telling me she was a "tsundere" to explain to me how to convey her personality; i had no idea what that was and had to look it up, haha.

this was a commission for Kelly Thompson, who is a fellow sometimes-guest on the Audioshocker's A Podcast With Ross and Nick. it's the two main characters Bonnie and Lola from her amazing upcoming YA novel The Girl Who Would Be King, which just enjoyed a very successful Kickstarter campaign.

and finally, this was for a client who wanted to incorporate some elements from my comic Dinogeddon, but with more of a Frazetta type of feeling. i got the feeling he wanted something more realistic than my style, but i think it still turned out pretty well. i really liked his idea of the gender role reversal for the fantasy trope.

i'm gonna do the best i can

more old cartoon stuff. i really love the Cab Calloway Bettie Boop cartoons.

i love the live action footage of Calloway and his orchestra at the beginning of this one. it's such a treat. the guy must have been amazing to see on stage in a smokey, hip club back in the day. he moves like a human cartoon! i have a soft spot and fascination with rotoscope animation, and this stuff is some of the best. even though he gets transformed seemlessly into some weird creature within this bizarre cartoon world, it still perfectly captures Calloway's spirit and charisma. another thing i like about this one is the dark nature of the trippy cave scene; "Minnie the Moocher" is, pretty obviously, a song about a prostitute who starts dating a druggie/drug dealer who gets her hooked on opium. some people have said the animators/studio wasn't aware of the subtext of the song when it was used, but the crazy visuals in the background relating to drug paraphernalia suggest otherwise. there's just such a delicious, dark, seedy element to this cartoon i can't easily describe, but i really like it.

this one is considered by many to be one of the greatest cartoons of all time, and i'm inclined to agree. it's astounding that it was animated entirely by a single person, Roland C. Crandall, as a sort of pet project. the animation is so lively in this one. and Cab Calloway gives another incredible performance, this time performing his standard that he was famous for, "St. James Infirmary Blues," which also happens to be one of my favorite songs. Calloway's version is quite good, which i suppose it should be. again we have the great rotoscope work, this time with Koko being possessed by Calloway, crazily dark and trippy background images in a cave, and an ending that can only be described as "wacky." good stuff.

this is the last Bettie Boop cartoon to feature Calloway, and he pretty much carries it from beginning to end. the story doesn't make much sense, and isn't as good as the first two, but it has its moments. i like the song in this one, as Calloway's rotoscoped dancing as the Old Man of the Mountain is entertaining as always. it's also notable for having inspired Tim Burton and Danny Elfman in the production of the Nightmare before Christmas. Tim Burton cited the Cab Colloway characters as inspiration for the character Oogie Boogie, and wanted Elfman to specifically base him on the character in Minnie the Moocher. but Elfman was more inspired by the Old Man of the Mountain character, even borrowing a line of dialogue for Oogie's musical number: "whatcha gonna do now?" "i'm gonna do the best i can."

i find the world of 20's-40's cartoons so fascinating. it's given me an idea about doing a comic in the style, set in the 20's or 30's, and has all the dark shit and vice that is represented in cartoons of the era, like these. maybe even seriously deal with issues like racism, sexism, homophobia and stuff that was rampant in cartoons and in the attitudes of the day. i need to ferment it some more.

story of my life.

techno-cracked

i've been watching a lot of Flip the Frog cartoons lately, as they happen to be in a volume on netflix streaming called "forgotten cartoons," or something like that. the title is, sadly, appropriate. the volume i've been watching is all Ub Iwerks cartoons, mostly Flip the Frog and Willy Whopper. if you're like me, you probably never heard of Ub Iwerks or these characters, so i ended up looking him up, and i'm so glad i did.

Ub was a very talented artist, and was one of Walt Disney's oldest friends and collaborators. Iwerks came up with and animated the character Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, which Disney eventually lost to Universal and has been in news recently for being traded back to Disney. he also created lots of early Disney characters like Clairabelle Cow, and co-created Micky Mouse, as well as animating most early Disney cartoons himself.

eventually he and Disney had a falling out, mostly over his feeling overworked and receiving little credit, and he went on to start his own studio, and employed fresh young animators such as Chuck Jones. after his own studio folded, Iwerks went back to working for Disney where he animated, pioneered special effects such as the combination of live-action and animation in Song of the South, and even designed theme park attractions for Disney theme parks. he was also the animator behind one of my favorite cartoons of all time, The Skeleton Dance. i was amazed i had never known about this guy, or Flip the Frog.

Flip cartoons have a certain charm and punkish nature i find endearing, especially compared to Disney cartoons, or even Looney Tunes at the time. for example, in the cartoon pictured above, Flip takes refuge in a spooky old house in a storm, only to find it inhabited by a scary animate skeleton, who tries to force feed him chicken bones, watches him dance with a skeletal lady, then decides Flip's skeleton would be the perfect size to add to his collection of assorted sized skeletons, and goes about trying to extract it with a large knife. in another, Flip tries to sneak out on his hotel bill in the middle of night, and in the ensuing chase with the hotel owner and a policeman, he keeps catching peeps at a shapely lady getting out of the shower (awesomely, when she catches the policeman peeping in her keyhole, she stabs him in the eye with a hat pin!). i'm a little sad that Flip was slid under the rug for so long, but glad that collections like this are bringing him back to a wide audience (including me!).

as i started watching these classic cartoons, i began to wonder what shaped them; as animation is an almost limitless medium, and these people were pioneering new frontier here, why were they so similar and formulaic? i understand that there was probably some meddling going on here from the top, like this is what sold and what people wanted to see, so make more of this, type of thing. but who started it all? why do inanimate objects suddenly spring to life? why is everything so round, jolly, bug-eyed and prone to whistling? why does everyone have noodly appendages and a penchant for sight gags? i was surprised to learn that it was all almost completely because of Iwerks. his style was what pretty much all animation aspired to be afterward.

i also find it interesting that Iwerks' cartoons were an influence for Osamu Tezuka, who saw them soon after World War II. so, in a way, Iwerks also had a hand in shaping the style of anime!

i know Iwerks is well known in many circles, but he and his work were new to me as an amateur animation enthusiast, so i thought i'd share how this little discovery has blown my mind.

mañana

new page 12...i redrew panel 4 because of various problems, mostly to clarify storytelling...hopefully it helped!

here's a bunch of little sticky notes sketches of some of the Dinogeddon cast i did at work today...it was pretty fun.

i realize they're mostly terrible, but i was thinking about doing some kind of giveaway or little contest thing with them? would anyone be into that? it would be more fun than just throwing them away. like i said, i know they're not great, and they're just drawn on sticky notes with a blue pilot V-ball pen, which doesn't produce the best lines, but i just really like the way it feels. i drew Lupe with a new hairstyle i've never drawn her with before; i don't know if i like it.

shake

page 12

sour times

roar

finally finished another page. i know i'm super slow, but at this point it means a lot to me that i'm able to keep making comics at all. this page was quite a triumph for me with the mood i've been in lately.

this is probably my favorite page so far in terms of coloring :) and i actually simplified my coloring techniques a lot so i can be faster, but i actually like the speedier look better. i'm learning so much all the time, but there's always more to learn! it's exciting.

also i'm getting pretty tired of hand writing the words, and i worry that it's too sloppy and hard to read :/ anyone know of any good free comic-y fonts that would kinda fit the Dinogeddon aesthetic (if you know what i mean)?

castles made of sand

i've been mostly writing, getting things in order lately....

help!

okay, i need some help, guys! (if anybody still reads this blog....)

here is the latest Dinogeddon page i just finished:

i'm not sure if i'm happy with it, and i'd like some input before i'm done for sure. in the last panel, i have a little introductory blurb about Ronnie, obviously. i plan on having similar blurbs for all the main characters. the main reason is because it's a pretty big cast, and while i think everyone looks different enough, i wanted to give readers some tidbits of solid information they could grab onto to help them identify all the different characters, and help them keep track of who is in what gang, etc. and i thought it would be fun and maybe add a bit of humor to add an irrelevant factoid or two linked to the character's personality. but after getting the ball rolling with Ronnie's here, i'm beginning to second-guess myself whether it's a good idea or not, or if so, if i executed it properly.

i know my handwriting can be hard to read, but i like the look of my hand written lettering for the comic and don't really want to use a font. (and yes, i have tried making a font out of my handwriting, and it just ended up terrible.) i thought about having the blurbs in little boxes, but i was thinking that might be too cliche? i don't know. maybe it would be easier to read that way. and like i said, i'm wondering if i should do the whole blurb thing at all? maybe it would just be better to let the characters unfold for themselves over time? i don't really like it when comics have to have bio pages or whatever, unless it's like a series catch-up kinda thing, and eventually i'll probably have a character bio section on the Dinogeddon site, but....like i said, it's one of those ideas i originally really liked, but i'm not so sure comes off as well in practice. what do you think? keep it, lose it? change it? and how?

sailor moon saved my life

i watched this episode of Sailor Moon on a day i was feeling my depression really hard, and i wanted to vanish...and this scene brought me to tears. i felt like Sailor Moon/Neo Queen Serenity was talking directly to me, telling me that i'm surrounded by people who care, that she believes in me, and not to give up. i felt so much better after Usagi told me i'm not alone. :,)

i think i finally understand how a lot of people feel about their favorite heroes in comics...that's how i feel about Sailor Moon. i've never been into super hero comics and never really understood their appeal, but maybe now i do a little. i fell in love with Sailor Moon from the very first time i saw one of the horribly dubbed episodes on local cable tv...even though i hate getting up early and like sleeping in, i would get up extra early just to watch it. it was unlike anything i'd ever seen before...ordinary girls who became super heroines. and their leader, Usagi, was clumsy, did badly in school, and liked to eat too much and goof off...this was the first heroine i could ever really relate to! everyone loved Usagi because she had such a pure, giving heart, full of love for everyone. i think even for me.

Sailor Moon's always been my biggest hero, but now especially, more than ever. all of the sailor soldiers, and so many other characters in general are so great...my other favorite senshi, Sailor Jupiter, taught me that it was okay to be a big, boyish girl, and i shouldn't let that stop me from doing things i want to do. Luna, for always trying her hardest and even jumping into the fray, even though she's just a small kitty without any offensive super powers, she never gives up. and Sailor Uranus, my androgynous idol, helped me to feel more comfortable about my queerness long before i really figured it out. i really want to read the manga, but they're so hard to find/expensive...hopefully some day.

Sailor Moon Transformation Make Up Tutorial by Michelle Phan, YouTube

this video also made me tear up, i mean the message at the end, skip to about 8:08...it's so true. i want to try harder to make my dreams come true, and stop letting stuff hold me back. i want to start imagining myself as a super hero, like Sailor Moon, a sailor senshi, when i get scared, or feel powerless. i want to be brave, and full of love, like Usagi. thank you, Naoko Takeuchi, for giving me my hero.

thank you, Sailor Moon.

beastly

some concepts for an idea i had about a beauty and the beast story, but with the gender roles reversed and the man being the beauty and a woman being the beast. i've always been a little bothered by the intrinsic sexism in beauty and the beast and wanted to address it. i tried making the beast unattractive not by my personal standards or anything, but by what is conventionally considered ugly/beastly.

why must i stay here

a customer snuck up on me at work and caught me drawing this, then laughed and said it was funny...hmm, okay....

i haven't been posting/drawing much because i've been going through some stuff...i was (am?) in a really bad place with my depression and anxiety issues, and that combined with my job caused me to lose all passion and interest in life, and things i used to enjoy, like drawing. i knew i couldn't go on living this way much longer, so i reached out and am seeing a therapist for the first time in my adult life. it's a bit nerve-wracking for someone like me, but i'm beginning to feel like there's hope again. i started a new livejournal, dinosaurblood.livejournal.com, mainly as a coping strategy since i basically didn't have one, or utilized really counterproductive ones. it's mainly just me ruminating way too much about pointless stuff and venting about my personal stresses and trying to make sense out of my sad, rambling mind, so i totally understand if you don't want to be my lj friend and read it.

otherwise...i don't like my job and am going to start looking for another one. i'm reading a lot, that's one of the few things i still get enjoyment out of. oh, and Sailor Moon. i got Rob to start watching it with me and now we're slowly rewatching the entire series from the beginning. everything is going to be okay.

servitude

farm animals

Corey and Jenelle from Teen Mom 2

Sailor Moon and a sugar packet

plus, i got this in the mail last night! Battle Kittens: the art of R. Dart. i strongly suggest everyone get it, as her art is mind-meltingly good, as is her Battle Kitten stuff, which i really hope develops into a full-blown comic or animated project some day. apparently she was a background artist for Mission Hill and is now a character designer for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, two of my favorite animated series ever, so that could help explain my fondness for her stuff.

and it's Gammy-approved!

how easy it is to invent a humanity

costume concepts/fan art from the Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. maybe i was a little too literal with the "wings" described on the handmaid's head coverings, but it's what i pictured while reading it. i'm a little indignant that this book isn't as popular as other distopian novels of the era, like 1984 and Brave New World. personally I find it a lot more riveting and better written.

boohoo