not never broken

quick oviraptor sketch. i think it's been established that oviraptors were pretty big and probably didn't eat eggs. in Dinogeddon i have people raising them for their eggs like chickens.

ache like i ache

so i've been buying a lot of clothes lately because it's the first time in years i've had any disposable income,  and also i've been wanting to update my wardrobe for quite some time. anyway, today i decided that while i do have a lot of old t-shirts, seeing as that's primarily what i used to wear, i have very few band t-shirts. so i went online to see if i could find any for my favorite bands.

and...nothing. i mean, i guess i could get a band t-shirt for some band i kinda like, or if i just like the t-shirt or whatever, but i feel like i have to feel pretty passionately about someone/something if i'm going to give them my money so i can be a walking advertisement to them, haha. i was looking around at shops that specifically sell music shirts and i don't even know who the hell like 80% of the bands/artists are on them anymore. i guess i've never been a huge music aficionado, i don't really seem to be as into music as a lot of people are, but man. feelin' so old these days. a lot of the time i find myself wondering if my best days are behind me. it's like i'm having a quarter-life crisis or something. i feel like everyone else i see is doing something, or they at least have a plan, know exactly what they're aiming for, whereas i'm just here, not really sure about anything, especially what i want. maybe that's just delusion, though. i have been known to suffer from constant fits of "the grass is always greener" syndrome.

Hole - "Doll Parts", youtube

give me a reason to care about anything.

derailing

page 8

slip

more work doodles

i shouldn't be allowed to drink coffee.

pancake batter

sticky notes

 

work memo pad doodles

i'm thinking about applying for an apprenticeship at a tattoo shop....

silence

just a quick note to say i'm still alive. i've been veeeery busy lately....for me, anyway. i got a new job doing clerical/receptionist stuff at a car dealership. everybody's really nice, the pay is good, and the girl that did my job before me was a huge screw-up i guess, so i look amazing by comparison. it's rough getting used to a full-time schedule, though. i haven't really had much time to draw, or anything else.

and i'm hesitant to admit it, but i just haven't really wanted to draw, or care about drawing anymore. i'm wondering if it's just things being kinda hectic right now and maybe once i settle in i'll want to go back to drawing and stuff, but i'm also slightly worried that i just don't feel it anymore. i've always felt like nobody really cares about what i'm doing, i mean when you get right down to it, but that was okay, because i still cared and that was enough. but now i don't even care anymore, so...i'm not sure how to feel about that.

but i've said plenty of times in the past that i'm going to quit art/comics and i always came back, so who knows. maybe it's just another one of those things. just putting my energy into something nobody cares about, not even me, seems like a huge waste of time right now, and time seems to be slipping by so fast i'm afraid i'm going to wake up tomorrow and i'll be eighty.

goat

hazy

 

i'm not much into drawing these days, but i'm real into sketching.

stretching my wings

in your dreams

an image i had in my head all day...hopefully one day i will get to make it a finished piece.

Apna Desh musical scene, YouTube
Hum Kaale Hain To from Gumnaam, YouTube

listened to this really interesting story about a guy's quest for spiritual enlightenment that took him to india where he met what he was sure was the current incarnation of buddha, and through a bizarre series of events went from not believing in reincarnation at all to being confident that he had been the buddha's horse and been with him in thousands of lives, and came full circle on this journey of spiritual enlightenment. it made me wish something similar could happen to me. but i can't afford to go to india and study under a yogi, or cloister myself in the woods and write, or go to the desert and have peyote-induced spiritual journeys.

maybe the whole idea about finding your personal truth and reaching spiritual transcendence is that it happens in its own way, whenever the time is right. at least i hope.

they don't love you like i love you

my friend Hezaa and i were going to do this meme thing together, but we both only did like the first part of it then forgot, haha. mine is terrible and doesn't deserve to be seen by anyone, but here's a face-meltingly awesome portrait she drew of me. i wish i was really this hot. i love the stars, and my little t-rex friend, haha.

it's based on this picture of me:

if you haven't seen her stuff you should check her out, she's like ultra amazing, and really likes Sailor Moon so you know she's cool.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - "Maps", youtube

wait

teardrop

pretty much a verbatim transcript of an awkward encounter at a stupid family thing. i only slightly exaggerated his hideousness. his teeth were...hard to look at.

i guess i'm so used to bottling things up that sometimes i open up the floodgates at any given opportunity, even if it's just someone smiling vacantly and condescendingly at me whilst i pour out my heart to them, when they obviously couldn't give a shit and were just pretending that they did. oops.

Q Lazzarus - "Goodbye Horses", youtube

unrelated, i've also come to realize (at length) that i become too easily attached/smitten with nice people, just because they are nice and make me feel that my existence is validated. just because someone is nice to me doesn't mean they care, at least in that way. they're just being nice.