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shitty Dren sketch

saw Splice last week and really enjoyed it. the ending felt kinda...i dunno, rushed, haphazard? but it's one of those types of movies that would be really difficult to end perfectly. so i forgive it. the best part is, of course, Dren. oh, and i usually despise any kind of romance/sex in movies, but this movie has probably the best, hottest sex scene ever in it. that's all i'll say. :p

i only kind of half-assed references so i'm sure this is probably riddled with inaccuracies. maybe i'll finish this at some point. i love Dren SO MUCH so i'd really like to do a finished drawing of her. but ya know. COMICS.

standing next to a mountain

i guess i won't get into specifics, but i just found out i have a lot more debts and obligations than i thought i did, which caused me to have a sort of mini-breakdown. i realized that in order to have any hope of digging myself out of my hole and surviving, i'd have to work more at my current job and try to get a second one, ditch any and all activities which require money for quite a while, and that this would probably equal me losing all time/energy/will to work on comics anymore. and to be honest, i felt sorry for myself, but i didn't really give a shit anymore. i'm sure i haven't had a bad life compared to a lot of people. most of the bad or regrettable things that have happened to me happened because i put myself through them. i have a talent for putting myself in bad situations and being permanently stuck with the consequences, forever saddled with the repercussions of a few carelessly-made actions.

i honestly felt like part of me had died, and i mourned it. i was never going to "make it." i would never draw for my supper. i saw myself as all the middle-aged, saggy, aged far beyond their years women i see at work all the time. divorced, alone, miserable, with two or three children, one or two bankruptcies under their belts, usually from a medical emergency or two, working two or three jobs just to keep a roof over the heads of themselves and their families. dead-eyed, tired. if they had ever had dreams or aspirations before, it wasn't there now. when it comes down to it, survival is all that matters. it doesn't matter if life isn't worth living, just as long as you keep living so you can make the cash.

i had given up and resigned myself to a life of artless drudgery last night. i had decided when i got home after my friend's birthday party i would delete/throw away everything that had ever indicated that i had existed in any kind of artistic capacity and disappear into a life of worker bee anonymity. i have never had these kinds of thoughts before, no matter how upset i've been. it was a true low point.

then that night my friend, though drunk, still had the presence of mind to pull me aside and talk to me/lecture me about how i should just get my shit together and go for it. at first i was kind of pissed, because i've had people tell me this before, and they don't understand what it is like living with my crippling insecurities. they don't understand that it's near impossible for me to "just finish something." that for all my "brilliant talent" that i've been "blessed" with, i also have a hair-trigger self-destruct mechanism. but after talking it out and really thinking about it, i think i'm beginning to get a clearer picture of what other people see in me. "Go to Toronto!" he said. "You're the most talented person I know, and also do the least with what you have." i was a little embarrassed that someone was so onto me. i never thought anyone really paid attention. the truth hurts.

so i was hurt. then i felt good. and i kind of flip-flopped all night. and i got drunk. and today i have sores on my feet from walking  a couple miles barefoot on rough concrete. and this morning i called off work to stay home to sleep and drawand think. and maybe this is just bad decision #4,566,675,980, but maybe it is time i "just finish something."

Dinogeddon thumbnail previews

i'm sorry my sketches are so hard to look at. >_>;

frog princess

finally watched the Princess and the Frog tonight. it was okay. i was a little disappointed, but i somehow think it might be because i'm coming at this movie from an adult point of view and if i were a kid again i'd eat it up and love it as much as i did the other disney movies.

of course i was happy disney finally made the leap and did a black princess. about fucking time. she's really hot; i'm kinda sad she's a frog for most of the movie, heh. but i did like the designs of the frogs. all the character designs were pretty good. i especially like Dr. Facilier. just watching him made me want to draw him. definitely one of the best disney villains ever, i think. i was bummed though that they make his magic come from voodoo and hoodoo and all these real things instead of just making him magic or whatever. but they also make Mama Odie, the "fairy godmother" character practice voodoo too, but for "good," which i guess is supposed to even it out...but i dunno. to me it seems a little insulting to take real religion and beliefs and traditions and turn it into some bad witch/good witch shit in a kids' movie.

i also didn't like the music, but knowing that the music was going to be done by Randy Numan, i went into it expecting not to like it. i think disney's golden age of good musicals is past and they should just give up on the musical thing. unless they can get the same musicians/writers who did the music for the little mermaid, beauty and the beast, aladdin, and the lion king, it's probably going to suck. but the music isn't that bad, it was tolerable. just nothing really catchy and memorable like from the older musicals.

the main thing that bothered me is that i feel like this movie suffers from what so many disney movies suffer from: too many stupid, pointless, comic relief sidekicks. in every disney movie, no matter the subject, no matter how light or serious, there has to be this added fluff of at least two extra characters tacked on, whose sole purpose is to be stupid/cute and "funny," and the movie could really go along more smoothly without them. in this case, it's Lewis the trumpet-playing gator, who reminds me a little too much of the singing alligator from All Dogs Go To Heaven (now that i think about it, this whole movie had a kind of Don Bluthe-y vibe to me...but maybe it was just the New Orleans setting), but i guess he's kind of charming in a way and not too terribly annoying. but then there's Ray, the cajun firefly brought in mainly to make cajun bayou redneck jokes. admittedly his character is somewhat endearing, but i became infuriated when he died. it totally threw off the whole pace of the movie and derailed it to me. this stupid firefly dying is treated with a melodrama no other disney character in history ever received, not even Bambi's mom.

but there were plenty of good things that make it worth a watch. i really liked that Tiana and Naveen were content to stay frogs together and got married as frogs. I really liked that Tiana was maybe the first disney princess to have dreams and ambitions that didn't involve romance or getting married (except maybe Belle?), although she ultimately decides that "true happiness" means getting married and starting a family in adition to owning her own business. disappointing, but it's a fairy tale, after all. i really love the character of Lottie. she's comedy relief done right. i love the jokes that come from her southern belle airs. she's also interesting because to me she's like a throw-back to the old traditional disney princesses: pretty, blonde, white, rich, and marriage-minded. i think it's interesting that they have this traditional disney princess archetype to further offset how Tiana is different. the prince is even SUPPOSED to marry Lottie, the archetype, but instead chooses Tiana.

oh, and of course it's BEAUTIFUL. really superb animation, but i especially loved the backgrounds. and even though i didn't like the music, the scenes that accompanied the musical numbers were very vibrant and eye-catching; sometimes gratuitously so, but eye candy is eye candy. so all in all, i wouldn't consider this up to par with, say, the little mermaid or anything, but it's definitely a hell of a lot better than disney's sad, last few traditionally-animated ventures (hunchback of notre dam and that stupid cow movie come to mind). or that's my two cents, anyway. i'm really looking forward to the new Rapunzel movie and hope that it doesn't suck.

don't nobody know my troubles

just as i finally finished my Dinogeddon script and was beginning to draw, my computer died on me. i guess my ram is the culprit. gonna have to wait a few weeks to get a new one, can't afford it right now.

refusing to admit defeat, i'm borrowing rob's computer for now and hooked my tablet up to it, ready to explode the pages out that have been building up inside me the past few days, only to find my tablet won't work right for some reason. i fucking hate this shitty tablet, goddamn.

also going to have to work more in order to save up cash, which = less drawing time. ugh. i still refuse to admit defeat at this early stage, but i'm beginning to sweat and feel like it will be a fucking miracle if i have this stupid comic done and printed in time for the Toronto expo i hope to attend in august.

also dealing with a bunch of heinous body image issue nonsense.

forgot to mention, but i finally watched Dead Snow with my brother at his suggestion. it was pretty good; nothing too new or revolutionary (except nazi zombies + a zombie story taking place in the snow, i guess), but it was pretty entertaining for what it was. it was fun. i really liked the intestine rope part.

i lied about not writing about personal, mopey stuff anymore.

laugh for no one else

it's been such a whirlwind week, and it's only going to get worse this month. so many weddings to go to, and all the shit that goes with it, plus i have to finish and print a comic in less than two months. i don't hate weddings so much as i hate all the stupid bullshit that people expect you to go through beforehand or else feel like a jerk, at least if you're a girl. there used to be just a shower and then a bachelorette/bachelor party where everyone just relaxed and partied or whatever, right? now there's like three or four different parties where you're required to bring a gift and/or money. it's pretty ridiculous. i don't think i'm going to a friend's bachelorette party because it says in the invitation there'll be a male stripper there, heh. i can't think of anything more horrifying and awkward.

my family was just in town to visit me. it was a frenzied event, and i realized what a practice in frustration and futility it is trying to do anything or have a discussion with my family, but overall it went well, i think. i took them to go eat at a place on the outskirts of downtown detroit and now they think i need to move, haha.

other things:

got these weird, chocolate candy cigarettes at the cool candy store in wyandotte. they taste like shit, but then again i bought them for the packaging.

also got a boss wonder woman notebook for jotting down scripts and ideas and crap, and OMG, PUFFY, GLITTERY my little pony stickers!! with bunnies! XD

Gammy now has a tie, just in time for school pictures.

i cleaned the shit out of the place so my parents wouldn't think i live in the squalor that i normally do, so you could actually see most of my desk! still cluttered with my crap, but that's how i like it. XD

i know there's been a severe absence of art stuff to my blog lately, and i hope to rectify this. i want to try to stop posting as much personal/whiny shit and post more drawings and stuff...since that's what really matters, anyway.