esta noche

feeling very lazy and uninspired lately. :| same old crap. "do i really have what it takes??" blah blah blah.

gave my parents a copy of Sugar Ninjas. they seemed really proud and happy, but like they really didn't get it. they were horrified by the other comics with sex and swear words in them. what will they think if i ever publish Dinogeddon? heh.

my trip to Alabama kinda sucked. probably the worst trip i ever took. i usually defend the south as not being as bad as a lot of people stereotype it as being, and i guess there are some cool people and places, but this trip kinda made me sad because i think maybe it is just as horrible as i was always afraid it was. it makes me feel a little ashamed of everything about where and who i come from. does that make me bad? like if anybody met my family, they'd probably be really scared/horrified, haha. i used to find a sad, desperate kind of comedy in sitting in a Kentucky Waffle House next to the freeway by a Motel 6, listening to a toothless grandpa proudly talk about dressing himself and his grandkids up as cowboys for their christmas photos, and a poodle-permed, bleach-blonde former beauty queen mom with a twangy accent and caked-on make up inquire about a job for the "loser" that knocked-up her daughter. but now it just makes me feel a little sick to my stomach inside when i see/hear these things, like i'm not just a chortling outsider looking down my nose at "simple folk" and rednecks; these people are a part of my DNA, this bible-thumping, racist, homophobic, child briding, hateful culture is inextricably woven into the fabric of who i am. and sometimes it scares me.

really into taking pictures lately. fall just seems so right for it. i think fall would be my favorite season if it weren't proceeded by winter. fall's got the best visuals.
i've been getting paid to do some modeling. yeah, i don't get it either, but i ain't gonna argue.

these are just some pics from when i went to the cider mill to get donuts and cider and pumpkins. the pumpkins were so bright and vivid. and i fed a donut to a goat and some pigs. i still hate ostriches, though. it was trying to peck at me through the wire fence! fuck ostriches.

 

i kind of wish october could go on forever. 

fleshy walls

haven't updated in a while because i haven't really been drawing. haven't been drawing because honestly i haven't been too interested in comics and stuff lately. and i've been working every single day for the past two weeks, and working a lot pretty much kills my creative impulses. i wish i didn't let it do that to me, but it does. plus i'm having issues with my tablet working on my computer AGAIN. sigh. Rob's trying to fix it for me, but i don't know.  i wish i knew what caused my constant stream of computer/tablet problems with three different tablets. sometimes i wonder if i should bite the bullet and just start doing comics the traditional way again.

mainly just watching bad movies and stuff lately. finally finished watching Fear, it was so funny. i think i'll have to do a whole post dedicated to it later. also started watching Swim Fan which is looking pretty awesome too, but i'll have to finish it later.

going down to alabama this weekend to visit family and sort of get away i guess.

lately i'm really interested in photography and maybe getting into it more. i've never taken classes or read books on it or anything, but i've always enjoyed experimenting with it and lately i'm thinking about maybe investing in a decent camera. hmm. here's a self portrait i took today that i liked.