Dinogeddon thumbnail previews

i'm sorry my sketches are so hard to look at. >_>;

frog princess

finally watched the Princess and the Frog tonight. it was okay. i was a little disappointed, but i somehow think it might be because i'm coming at this movie from an adult point of view and if i were a kid again i'd eat it up and love it as much as i did the other disney movies.

of course i was happy disney finally made the leap and did a black princess. about fucking time. she's really hot; i'm kinda sad she's a frog for most of the movie, heh. but i did like the designs of the frogs. all the character designs were pretty good. i especially like Dr. Facilier. just watching him made me want to draw him. definitely one of the best disney villains ever, i think. i was bummed though that they make his magic come from voodoo and hoodoo and all these real things instead of just making him magic or whatever. but they also make Mama Odie, the "fairy godmother" character practice voodoo too, but for "good," which i guess is supposed to even it out...but i dunno. to me it seems a little insulting to take real religion and beliefs and traditions and turn it into some bad witch/good witch shit in a kids' movie.

i also didn't like the music, but knowing that the music was going to be done by Randy Numan, i went into it expecting not to like it. i think disney's golden age of good musicals is past and they should just give up on the musical thing. unless they can get the same musicians/writers who did the music for the little mermaid, beauty and the beast, aladdin, and the lion king, it's probably going to suck. but the music isn't that bad, it was tolerable. just nothing really catchy and memorable like from the older musicals.

the main thing that bothered me is that i feel like this movie suffers from what so many disney movies suffer from: too many stupid, pointless, comic relief sidekicks. in every disney movie, no matter the subject, no matter how light or serious, there has to be this added fluff of at least two extra characters tacked on, whose sole purpose is to be stupid/cute and "funny," and the movie could really go along more smoothly without them. in this case, it's Lewis the trumpet-playing gator, who reminds me a little too much of the singing alligator from All Dogs Go To Heaven (now that i think about it, this whole movie had a kind of Don Bluthe-y vibe to me...but maybe it was just the New Orleans setting), but i guess he's kind of charming in a way and not too terribly annoying. but then there's Ray, the cajun firefly brought in mainly to make cajun bayou redneck jokes. admittedly his character is somewhat endearing, but i became infuriated when he died. it totally threw off the whole pace of the movie and derailed it to me. this stupid firefly dying is treated with a melodrama no other disney character in history ever received, not even Bambi's mom.

but there were plenty of good things that make it worth a watch. i really liked that Tiana and Naveen were content to stay frogs together and got married as frogs. I really liked that Tiana was maybe the first disney princess to have dreams and ambitions that didn't involve romance or getting married (except maybe Belle?), although she ultimately decides that "true happiness" means getting married and starting a family in adition to owning her own business. disappointing, but it's a fairy tale, after all. i really love the character of Lottie. she's comedy relief done right. i love the jokes that come from her southern belle airs. she's also interesting because to me she's like a throw-back to the old traditional disney princesses: pretty, blonde, white, rich, and marriage-minded. i think it's interesting that they have this traditional disney princess archetype to further offset how Tiana is different. the prince is even SUPPOSED to marry Lottie, the archetype, but instead chooses Tiana.

oh, and of course it's BEAUTIFUL. really superb animation, but i especially loved the backgrounds. and even though i didn't like the music, the scenes that accompanied the musical numbers were very vibrant and eye-catching; sometimes gratuitously so, but eye candy is eye candy. so all in all, i wouldn't consider this up to par with, say, the little mermaid or anything, but it's definitely a hell of a lot better than disney's sad, last few traditionally-animated ventures (hunchback of notre dam and that stupid cow movie come to mind). or that's my two cents, anyway. i'm really looking forward to the new Rapunzel movie and hope that it doesn't suck.

don't nobody know my troubles

just as i finally finished my Dinogeddon script and was beginning to draw, my computer died on me. i guess my ram is the culprit. gonna have to wait a few weeks to get a new one, can't afford it right now.

refusing to admit defeat, i'm borrowing rob's computer for now and hooked my tablet up to it, ready to explode the pages out that have been building up inside me the past few days, only to find my tablet won't work right for some reason. i fucking hate this shitty tablet, goddamn.

also going to have to work more in order to save up cash, which = less drawing time. ugh. i still refuse to admit defeat at this early stage, but i'm beginning to sweat and feel like it will be a fucking miracle if i have this stupid comic done and printed in time for the Toronto expo i hope to attend in august.

also dealing with a bunch of heinous body image issue nonsense.

forgot to mention, but i finally watched Dead Snow with my brother at his suggestion. it was pretty good; nothing too new or revolutionary (except nazi zombies + a zombie story taking place in the snow, i guess), but it was pretty entertaining for what it was. it was fun. i really liked the intestine rope part.

i lied about not writing about personal, mopey stuff anymore.

laugh for no one else

it's been such a whirlwind week, and it's only going to get worse this month. so many weddings to go to, and all the shit that goes with it, plus i have to finish and print a comic in less than two months. i don't hate weddings so much as i hate all the stupid bullshit that people expect you to go through beforehand or else feel like a jerk, at least if you're a girl. there used to be just a shower and then a bachelorette/bachelor party where everyone just relaxed and partied or whatever, right? now there's like three or four different parties where you're required to bring a gift and/or money. it's pretty ridiculous. i don't think i'm going to a friend's bachelorette party because it says in the invitation there'll be a male stripper there, heh. i can't think of anything more horrifying and awkward.

my family was just in town to visit me. it was a frenzied event, and i realized what a practice in frustration and futility it is trying to do anything or have a discussion with my family, but overall it went well, i think. i took them to go eat at a place on the outskirts of downtown detroit and now they think i need to move, haha.

other things:

got these weird, chocolate candy cigarettes at the cool candy store in wyandotte. they taste like shit, but then again i bought them for the packaging.

also got a boss wonder woman notebook for jotting down scripts and ideas and crap, and OMG, PUFFY, GLITTERY my little pony stickers!! with bunnies! XD

Gammy now has a tie, just in time for school pictures.

i cleaned the shit out of the place so my parents wouldn't think i live in the squalor that i normally do, so you could actually see most of my desk! still cluttered with my crap, but that's how i like it. XD

i know there's been a severe absence of art stuff to my blog lately, and i hope to rectify this. i want to try to stop posting as much personal/whiny shit and post more drawings and stuff...since that's what really matters, anyway.

pony warriors

here's a secret. sometimes i wish i was a my little pony. i wish i lived in a world of giggles and sunshine and meeting friendly, pony-like variations of monsters.

for the longest time i've wanted there to be a MLP role playing video game. preferably for the DS, but any console would be good. where you could customize your own pony and go on any adventures you want to in pony world. XD

i'm thinking about maybe figuring out how to create my own MLP table-top RPG, but i'm really not sure how to go about doing it. and i don't know if anyone would play with me. T___T

EDIT: waaaah, so sad when i scrolled down and realized this was a joke! TT____TT  MLP RPG announced.  but i guess at least there's this site as a guideline.

nannaba nannaba nannaba

i was a guest on a Podcast with Ross and Nick's 50th podcast! i sound awful and didn't really have anything interesting to say, but it was fun.

last saturday went to a screening of a 35 mm version of Hausu (psst, you can watch it here for free) with Mike, Rob and Amy. the theatre was SO WEIRD, it was like this old abandoned school that was renovated to somewhat accommodate theaters, but you could still tell it used to be a school, and the whole thing was operated and attended solely by the absolute worst variety of snobby art school fashion victim hipster kids. but it was a really cool experience. i really enjoyed seeing the move on the big screen, and it really allowed me to notice things i hadn't before. it made me realize this movie had gone from just some curiosity of its weird themes and uses of horror and animation to genuinely wiggling its way into my heart as a lovable, bad movie.

my friend Mike who is a film geek also brought up an interesting point afterward that i hadn't thought of: that in western movies humor is used as this stress-relieving element to diffuse scary situations and to put the audience at ease before setting up the next big scare, but at least in Hausu, it seems like maybe they did something similar, but using absurdity instead of traditional humor. it could also have to do with various cultural aspects that we just don't get, but i think that's a pretty interesting idea.

oh, and this has been a big week for me because as of monday, i finally ran 5 miles in 30 minutes!!! :)  actually, 5.357 miles ;) and tuesday i did over 5 again, 5.2 something, without really trying. i feel pretty accomplished.

my parents and brother and sister-in-law are coming to visit this weekend. both excited and nervous about that.

take this whole of me

i love this girl so much, she's an inspiration to me. hopefully some day i'll be as hot as her haha

i wish i could have one of those pull-up bar things. so hardcore. i probably wouldn't even be able to use it yet though, my arms are still so weak. XD i've been focusing harder and pushing myself when it comes to my running though, and i'm just under 5 miles in 30 minutes. getting back up to my old records when i ran more regularly. i WILL get to 5 miles. determination.

 more inspiration, especially her arms. dang, Madonna. i hope like hell i can look this good by the time i'm 30, much less into my 50's or 60's or however old you are now!

i guess i've been going through another mood shift lately. i hesitate to call it depression because it's not like the normal depressions i sometimes experience, but something slightly different. i guess intense loneliness and feelings of isolation that make me feel sad? i don't really have that many close friends anymore and it makes me sad, even though it's mostly my fault. i can get so caught up in wanting my alone time and my dislike of talking on the phone that it makes people think i don't care about them. but there's also stuff like people getting married or into other serious relationships and having kids and moving away and stuff. everyone's giving their love to someone else and i guess the immature side of me gets a little jealous. i just miss having emotional closeness to someone. not romantically or anything, but just being able to feel like i can talk to someone about just about anything. it's been a long time since i've felt like i can be my authentic self with someone...or as close as i'm able to allow. i'm also open to meeting people, but it seems like the older i get the harder it is to meet people and much less befriend them enough to forge that certain kind of bond. i also feel like even when i do make a connection with someone i'm crippled by my fears that they don't like me as much as i like them, that i'm annoying them or driving them away somehow, or whatever. but i think i'm getting better at reigning in my insecurities.

i feel like such a dork when i blog about my personal life or feelings. i desperately want to be one of those rakishly handsome, lone-wolf people who is totally mysterious and has a very private life that they don't reveal, making them all the more mysterious and intriguing. but i guess maybe that's just not me. XD i guess inside i'll always be a whiny teenager wanting to pour my innermost (usually angsty) feelings into some kind of outlet, whether it be notebooks or livejournal or this blog.

i'm also listening to a lot of the cure and claire voyant haha. so obsessed with this song right now.
YouTube: Calire Voyant - "Pieces"

pain

short comic

don't know any lullaby

in one of those "why do i even bother?" moods. as in when real life sucks so much and i don't have any real money to pay my real bills and am in real danger of being really fucked, why do i bother with shit like living in fantasy worlds and drawing fucking ridiculous comics that no one cares about but me? it's the same as this blog. why do i even do it? it's like pissing into the ethers or whatever. but i guess i already know the answer. it's all i've got right now. maybe all i've ever had. whether that's good or bad, sad or not, whether i like it or not, doesn't matter. it just is what it is.

anyway. mostly scripting right now which is kind of a challenge for me. but i am having a lot of fun playing with things, especially these two characters. here's Spike and Lynette when they were in some immediately post-apocalyptic military together where they first meet.

and about 5 seconds later, this happens:

and just for the record, yes, Spike is female.

can't get hard when you try to fight me

sad to hear about Frank Frazetta's passing. not an uber fan or anything, but his stuff was probably one of my earliest influences, on an artistic as well as personal level. his work meant a lot to me. while other male artists are drawing impossible pseudo-human exaggerations of women  poured into skimpy outfits no matter what the circumstances, Frazetta was drawing women with cellulite and jelly rolls that were still confident enough to sport pasties and loin cloths while they slayed monsters or went hunting with their saber tooth tigers.

this piece, in particular, had a very strong impact on a very young me. not only does it transport you to another place and time where the suspense is palatable, but the central figure, the woman, always haunted me. seeing how regal,celebrated, and yet vulnerable, she is in this painting made me think that maybe, just maybe, it might mean that i was a little bit pretty, too. i think that's the closest i ever came to feeling represented in any kind of positive light by any sort of art or media as a young teen, so thank you for that, Mr. Frazetta. <3

difficulty

so tired. work keeps getting harder and i can't seem to sleep these days.

being delirious doesn't seem to be as much fun as it used to be.

watching lots of old movies. reading lots of random stuff.


i guess April was sexual assault awareness month, and it totally got by me. so as a late offering, i present this very eye-opening essay. i love the idea/term of "not-rape" presented by the author, and the call to bring attention to more ambiguous forms of sexual assault that are not rape, but also devastating.
An Essay on the Not-Rape Epidemic

as someone who is simply fascinated by sexuality in its myriad of forms (or even its nonexistence), i just found this really interesting, and perhaps even insightful as to how many thoughts/emotions other than just plain ol' sexual desire factor into the decision for a person - sexual or not - to have, or not have, sex.
Reasons other than Sexual Attraction that People Have Sex

growing up well-tightened beneath the Bible Belt, i read the Bible pretty extensively as a teenager and young adult; mainly because for one, i thought it was interesting in the ways i find all religious and folklore mythologies interesting, but also in order to shield myself from the inevitable barrage of misquoted Bible verses and misinterpreted teachings wielded against me like a weapon in order to forcefully convert me. and while i still recall some rather amusing tidbits (such as Leviticus, often quoted as proof of God's condemnation of homosexuality, also condemns everything from tattoos to having contact with women while they are menstruating. or that as Elisha is on his way to Bethel, he's heckled by some "youths," so he prays and God sends a couple of bears out of the woods that maul and kill the jerks.), i still had no idea that there was a part of the Bible that contained a recipe for making bread, or that it tasted awful, and that it probably tasted awful because the recipe includes HUMAN FECES. you learn something new every day.
EzekielBread: Made with Human Feces

where to go from here?

i came to an epiphany at some point in the past couple days that the main recurring theme in my life that i keep running into is the feeling of inadequacy.

yesterday's make up.

 watched Some Like it Hot tonight. i liked that Jack Lemmon was happy as a woman impersonator and wanted to marry a man, even if for superficial reasons, until Tony Curtis had to rain on his parade with all his straight white male propaganda. I have to admit though, I kept silently admiring the filmmakers' gigantic balls for making what was most assuredly a very controversial gender-bending and Marilyn Monroe boob-ogling comedy at the time. Marilyn's wardrobe (and body) was distractingly hot. as was her kiss with Tony Curtis in drag.

posting this mainly as a note to myself, but also because it is awesome:
TCM: Race in Hollywood: Native American Images on Film