February 27, 2010
new cat didn't work out. she was a jerk and kept me up all night yowling. i can't take that shit, especially right now, heh. plus she was really moody and kept biting me. so she's back with her foster family. sigh. i think i'm gonna take a break from looking for a new kitty. i thought i was ready to move on, but i realize i'm not. all i really want is Salem, or at least a kitty with a similar personality to Salem. but she was such a weird cat. we were perfect for each other. just gotta give it time and all that i guess.
February 25, 2010
February 18, 2010
They gave me back Salem's body in this little cardboard coffin thing. I opened it up to pet her one last time. She looks really peaceful, like she's sleeping. The people at the vet were so nice. They hugged me and told me I did the right thing. They gave me a little clay disc with her paw print in it. And a little kitty angel pin. Part of me desperately wants to believe there's some kind of magical, wonderful afterlife, not for me or even for people, but for kitties and other animals at least.
Today we buried her in the backyard by the tiny maple tree. It was hard because the ground was frozen. But I think she'll be happy there. I miss her a lot and the house feels so empty without her dumb little meows and following me everywhere. But I'm feeling better, and slowly the guilt and "what ifs" are starting to fade. I like to think I gave her the best five years together I could, for as long as I could. And I know she did the same for me.
I hope this doesn't mean that I'm a terrible person, but I'm considering getting another cat. Not because I want to replace or forget about Salem, but I think having a new kitty to focus on will help me cope and get on with life, and to keep the house from feeling so lifeless. I was thinking of getting a completely different cat from Salem, like a male tabby or something, but I like Bombays so much I'd really like another one. I also learned that black kitties are the least adopted and most euthanized of all cats, which compels me to help more kitties like Salem. Right now I'm looking at this little girl.
February 17, 2010
i just want to thank everyone for the tremendous outpouring of kindness and love and commissions i've received since i told you guys about my poor sick kitty salem. i feel so overjoyed about that, and want you all to know how much i appreciate it.
unfortunately i have some terrible news i hoped i wouldn't have to deliver. but salem's gone. when i got home from work this evening, i got a call from the vet saying she'd taken another turn for the worse. they gave her x-rays and found that on top of her pancreas problems, she either had fluid or tumors around her heart and lungs. basically there was little to be done to help her, and even then there was a very slim chance she would survive and be completely healthy again. so i opted to end her suffering. i never gave up on her. i can't imagine having a better kitty in my life, and i'm grateful for that.
that being said, i didn't think it would be right having everyone make their kind donations to my "save salem" fund to help her when she's no longer with us. so if anyone wants to withdraw their commissions/donations, i understand and hold no bad feelings. if anyone does wish to still commission me or make a donation, it will be put toward the massive hospital bills accrued trying to save salem.
i know this is the worst possible outcome, but at least my sweet little dopey kitty is no longer suffering. again i can't thank you all enough for your kindness and support, especially my friend ross. thank you everyone.
Salem took a turn for the worse so I took her back to the vet. They ran some blood tests and things seem to point to her having pancreatitis, which is difficult and expensive to diagnos. So she was hospitalized and put on intravenous fluids, nutrition and medicine. I got a call this morning from a new doctor who basically keeps telling me she expects Salem to die. I went to visit her this morning, and to me she looks much better from last night. Obviously still sick, but much better. But this new doctor still tells me she's probably going to die.
And last night I found out I might be losing my job. I feel on the verge of a breakdown.
Please, if you want to help Salem, commission me. All proceeds will go to funding Salem's diagnostics and hospital care. I'll take any amount, and I'll draw whatever you want. If interested, please e-mail me at: email@example.com
February 16, 2010
Salem seems to be feeling a little better, but she's not out of the woods yet. I'm feeling encouraged by her progress though. Thanks to everyone who sent me good vibes at a time I was freaking out.
In other news, my grandma had a heart attack last Thursday, but apparently she's okay and already back home. This also kind of freaks me out, but I'm glad she's doing okay.
I'm drawing, honest, but all the stress going on lately has pretty much made drawing a sloggish diversion at best. So here's a shitty sketch maybe I will finish eventually.
February 15, 2010
I'm going crazy. I don't know if my computer will ever work again; no one can seem to figure out what's wrong with it, and I certainly can't afford a new one. But more importantly, my cat Salem is very sick, and I have no idea what's wrong with her, and it's killing me.
She started acting lethargic and stopped eating a couple days ago, but I didn't really worry too much about it, because she's prone to getting hairballs and I figured she'd get better if I just watched her closely and gave her some hairball gel stuff. But this morning I woke up and she was in a bad state, and was meowing in pain. I rushed her to the only nearby vet that was open on a Sunday. I waited forever and ever, and after giving her a physical exam they told me they had no idea what was wrong with her, other than her thyroid glands were slightly enlarged, which might indicate hyperthyroidism. But supposedly that would make her eat and drink a lot, but instead she's not eating at all. The vet said all her physical stats were normal, and there was no sign of an abdominal blockage or anything like that. And she hasn't been vomitting. So he just prescribed a general antibiotic, and I took her home, still not knowing anymore than I did before.
She HATES taking the fucking medicine. She won't hold still at all, and spits and sputters and wiggles her head around everywhere, and if I do manage to get any in her mouth, she starts foaming at the mouth and starts vomitting it up. And I'm supposed to give it to her twice a day. But i can't even do anything like put it in her food because she won't eat. What the fuck am I supposed to do??
She's back to just sleeping all the time, only getting up to move from room to room to lay down and sleep...I can't entice her with wet cat food or anything...she doesn't seem to be in pain, but she's incredibly sluggish...I feel so bad because I love this cat so much. She was my pal when I moved to a strange new place and was lonely. She helped me recover from losing my cat Purr a couple years ago, who I had since I was two. Purr was twenty and sick, and wasted away to nothing before I was able to put her to sleep...I don't want to watch the same thing happen to Salem. The idea of anything happening to her crushes me. I just wish I knew what was wrong, and how I could help. That's all I want right now.
February 11, 2010
February 4, 2010
well, my computer died. it will be a week or two before i can get a new one. i still have access to the internet, but not really to my files, so nothing from me for a while. bleh. this really adds to the shitty mood i've been in.
i've been watching so many bad movies lately. they live...that was okay, i loved how freaky the skeleton robot alien people looked, and it was a pretty cool, twilight zone-esque idea for a movie, though kinda weird that they managed to stretch it out into a movie. saw it's alive, the original 70's one, followed by a 2008 remake i didn't even know existed. they were both pretty boring, with the remake having ridiculous scenes of the baby eating people like a blender, haha. oh, and in the remake, the demon baby was a result of the mother trying to induce a miscarriage during her pregnancy, and angering god or something. so terrible. i dunno; i guess the original had its creepy parts, i just think the idea of a demonic killer baby is in and of itself so ridiculous that i can't take any film based on it seriously.
also saw quarantine, which i thought was a cool concept that was poorly executed, then found out it was based on a spanish film called [rec] and immediately watched it the same day. i was a little mad that i saw [red] after quarantine, heh. [rec] is so much better!! i think it probably would have been even better if i hadn't known what was coming. if you're into that kinda thing. most people seem to hate the "shakey-cam" type of movies where people are filming weird shit happening to them, but i totally love it usually, haha. i still love blair witch and paranormal activity. but i'm not really scared by monsters and gore and serial killers and shit like that. maybe zombies, sometimes. but mostly i'm scared by ghosts, and weird, omnipresent but unseen supernatural shit. so scarey.
i still hate my job.